Magazine photographers have exactly 6 ideas for shooting comedians:
Did not finish reading: My First Movie: 20 Celebrated Directors Talk about Their First Film by Various authors, edited by Stephen Lowenstein. Read this for a couple essays. Took me 18 days.
Read the short story Making Your Life as an Artist by Andrew Simmonet.
I’ve been writing(ish?) fiction via the fantastic aidungeon.io, which is a machine learning algorithm trained on text adventure games. You are Chris, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. … Read more
This is a piece I wrote for McSweeny’s that I didn’t think would get published, but wanted to go through the process regardless. As suspected, it was not published. Here it is, in all it’s rejected glory.
Cats have lived with humans for thousands of years, but their behavior can still be baffling. The best method for understanding cat personalities is the same as it is for humans: figuring out which lifeless rocks were in the sky when they were born.
Your Aries cat is energetic and headstrong, which is why he ruined your couch. Drawn to competition, he excels at interpersonal struggles, like stealing the neighbor cat’s food. He can appear selfish, but only because he has tunnel vision for his task at hand. That’s why he seems so disinterested in you when he’s staring at dust.
Your Tarus cat is peaceful and non-combative, and other cats will beat the ever living Christ out of him. Trusty and reliable, he will always pee on the exact same spot on the carpet. Naturally seeking luxury, your cat would never make it on the street. In fact, all street Tarus cats are dead.
Feeling a deep need to be with others, your Gemini cat will make a habit of barging in whenever you take a crap. A philosopher at heart, you will often see your cat gazing out the window, pondering life’s great questions. Questions such as, “Will I get to kill that bird?”
Much like Vin Diesel, your Cancer cat is obsessed with family. Except only metaphorically; cats are really territorial. Have you ever seen two cats getting to know each other? It’s brutal. But somewhere in her heart, she thinks of them as family, even as she’s ripping off an ear.
The ur-cat, Leos do what cats do, but more. Lay around? Check. Eat? Check. Hunt your shins? Check and check. In addition, Leos are very courageous, and will barely run away from the vacuum.
Don’t let the surface fool you - it may look like your Virgo cat is doing nothing, but rest assured, inside, her mind is alive with calculations and predictions. Yes, to you it looks like she has been asleep for upwards of three days, but inside, she just did your taxes. Trust me.
Your cat craves balance above all else; can’t have too much or too little, everything has to be just right. Dry or wet? Felt or feather toy? Petting or no? Whatever it is, you better get it God damn right.
Scorpio cats are not aggressive on their own, but are quick to violence if provoked. Like, if you look at them too long.
The symbol of Sagittarius is the centaur - half human, half horse - but that’s for humans. The cat version is half cat, half shetland pony. The cat half is terrified of the pony half.
Driven by ambition, your Capricorn cat will stop at nothing to achieve things no cat has ever accomplished before. That’s why she keeps fighting the dog. One of these days, she’s going to win, so separating them is against the stars.
Generous and dedicated, Aquarius cats are the philanthropists of the feline world. This means they’ll think twice before stealing the neighbor cat’s food. They’ll still do it, but they’ll think about it first.
The symbol of Pisces is a fish, and all Pisces cats won’t eat fish out of self respect, even though they love it. The only way to get your Pisces cat to eat fish is if she’s hungry.
Started reading: Learning to Program in C by Thomas Plum.
Read the short story Furry Night by Joan Aiken.
Started reading: My First Movie: 20 Celebrated Directors Talk about Their First Film by Various authors, edited by Stephen Lowenstein.
I was in a public restroom last Sunday. A man comes in, uses the urinal, washes his hands, says, “Aw shit,” then goes into a stall. It made me very happy.: https://www.chrisdeluca.me/note/1576550380/
Also posted to: https://mastodon.social/@bronzehedwick/103321071583130151
I was in a public restroom last Sunday. A man comes in, uses the urinal, washes his hands, says, “Aw shit,” then goes into a stall. It made me very happy.
Read the short story The Baboon War by Nnedi Okorafor.
Read the short story Mrs. Perez by Oscar Casares.
Read the short story Unassigned Territory by Stephanie Powell Watts.
Read the short story Repairing the World by John Chu.
Read the short story The Truth About Owls by Amal El-Mohtar.
Just saw The Best Years of Our Lives, which I recommend. Like many movies prior to around 1970, it features a lot of cheery, well-mannered alcoholism. You can get it public domain on archive.org.
Read the short story Goat by James McBride.
Read the short story No Man’s Guns by Elmore Leonard.
Read the short story The Paper Menagerie by Ken Liu.
Is that a blintz in your pocket, or are you just disgusting?: https://www.chrisdeluca.me/note/1574567953/
Also posted to: https://mastodon.social/@bronzehedwick/103188933134855825
Is that a blintz in your pocket, or are you just disgusting?
Had another great time at #BrooklynJS last night. Stay BAMF NYCJS.: https://www.chrisdeluca.me/note/1574481553/
Also posted to: https://mastodon.social/@bronzehedwick/103182873053979676
Had another great time at #BrooklynJS last night. Stay BAMF NYCJS.
I want a museum called Famous Historical Capes: Taking Back Back Cloth From Superheroes. Their only exhibit is every cape Liberace ever wore.: https://www.chrisdeluca.me/note/1574395153/
Also posted to: https://mastodon.social/@bronzehedwick/103177252112550667
I want a museum called Famous Historical Capes: Taking Back Back Cloth From Superheroes. Their only exhibit is every cape Liberace ever wore.