I never saw I Know What You Did Last Summer, so I can only imagine it’s a movie about swimming and picnics. #movies
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I was wondering why #GirlTalk hasn’t been sued…Here’s the answer! t.co/VOkASpOuh… I wish he would get sued so copyright wouldn’t suck
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Have you ever been lying naked in a field and think, “I’ve been robbed,”?
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I’ve lived, loved, and lpvd, if we’re moving left to right on the keyboard. #keyboardjokes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
This is funny t.co/MkxVglPeH… damn #clickbait
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“Whoa, what’s in this vault…ahhhhh!” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes #PowerRangers t.co/TxtXYkpIY…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Nope, going to the moon didn’t cure my crippling fear of space. #WorseMoonLandingQuotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
This is better than a moon-bounce! #WorseMoonLandingQuotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“Aw man, it’s not cheese.” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
@marcmaron @normmacdonald That was a really fun episode.
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
John C. Beck, author of Good vs Good — Count to ten when a plane goes down… t.co/rq6DxeNYC… this is a good story
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
5 Amazing Performances by Actors Who Weren’t Acting (Part 4) | t.co/DWU02gEgG…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I decided to split the difference and cover it with my shirt.
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I’m on the subway and just realized my fly is prominently unzipped. Do I fix it now and draw attention, or wait until I get home?
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
#douglasadams
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
RT @GeorgeTakei: Troll trolling at its best. t.co/krBk5crVb…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Better Living Through Chemistry apparently doesn’t apply to meth.
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
In line to see Ratliff and Woods at #ucb #Improv
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I want to see @SteveMartinToGo to star in a movie based on his twitter persona. And maybe not make him a dad this time.
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
How To Win Friends And Influence People is a weird title. It’s like friends are a prize at a carnival. “Throw a dart and win a friend!” #wtf
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Do you think every other hobbit was pissed that The Hobbit wasn’t about them? #lotr
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I want to see #MontyPythonLive in theaters so bad. It’s all sold out! Watching listings closely t.co/n8f6qHDc0…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
How often do you see a T-Rex playing bass on top of the world? #dinosaurs #bestthingever #art t.co/uMy9Ncup1…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“The only way to the top of a mountain is through the bottom of the sea.” #almostprofound #quotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
If burning sticks competed in a pairing game, it would be a match match match. #puns
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>