RT @GeorgeTakei: Troll trolling at its best. t.co/krBk5crVb…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Better Living Through Chemistry apparently doesn’t apply to meth.
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
In line to see Ratliff and Woods at #ucb #Improv
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I want to see @SteveMartinToGo to star in a movie based on his twitter persona. And maybe not make him a dad this time.
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
How To Win Friends And Influence People is a weird title. It’s like friends are a prize at a carnival. “Throw a dart and win a friend!” #wtf
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Do you think every other hobbit was pissed that The Hobbit wasn’t about them? #lotr
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I want to see #MontyPythonLive in theaters so bad. It’s all sold out! Watching listings closely t.co/n8f6qHDc0…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
How often do you see a T-Rex playing bass on top of the world? #dinosaurs #bestthingever #art t.co/uMy9Ncup1…
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“The only way to the top of a mountain is through the bottom of the sea.” #almostprofound #quotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
If burning sticks competed in a pairing game, it would be a match match match. #puns
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
If #gameofthrones got action figures, each would have to be a double pack with their corpse.
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
Julie Andrews says, just before shooting a Nazi, “You’re not one of my favorite things” #grittyreboot
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
The term “Banana Republic” makes me hungry.
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
Sometimes I forget that the “to be or not to be…” soliloquy is contemplating suicide. #Shakespeare
Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…
Robin Hood is a furry convention #DepressingDisney
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
The Song of the South #DepressingDisney
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
If there’s a movie about it, there’s another ten movies about it. #moviefacts
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Can you be happy, and not know it? #raffi
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
A commercial just said the skin was an organ. Really? I actually don’t know. #science #dontknow
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
If you wish upon Mars instead of a star, can only violent things come true? #mythology #astronomy
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“To be profound is to fancifully state the obvious” - J.G. Pitzmantle III #quotes
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
There are 100 trillion connections in the human brain, which is why I think we love callbacks. t.co/rNsxplKD3… #Improv #science
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
“I’ve got you buying eggs. $50 grand!” #normalblackmail
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
I want to start filming people doing normal things, and see if I can still blackmail them. #normalblackmail
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>
Peeling the sunburn off your aunt #BadSummerJobs
Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>