Ocean's Blues Brothers

INT. DINER - DAY

DANNY Blues sits in a diner booth oozing charm, whipping French fries into his mouth. He is joined by JOHNNY Brothers, a nervous man who constantly fiddles with crap.

JOHNNY

Alright, I'm here, Danny. Against my better judgement, I might add.

DANNY

You're a saint, Johnny.

JOHNNY

You've got until I finish my coffee to tell me what this is all about.

Johnny takes a big sip of coffee.

DANNY

I'm getting the band back together.

Johnny spits his coffee everywhere.

JOHNNY

Are you nuts? It'll never work, not after what you pulled.

DANNY

You didn't let me finish. I'm getting the band back together for one last heist.

JOHNNY

What?

Johnny takes another big gulp of coffee.

DANNY

We're robbing the Bellagio.

Johnny sprays his coffee everywhere, choking.

JOHNNY

Are you out of your mind? That really will never work. I'll be honest with you, with the first band back together thing, I was ready to be convinced. But us robbing hotels? That. Will. Never. Work.

DANNY

Give me one good reason.

JOHNNY

We're musicians!

DANNY

It's just one last time.

JOHNNY

It's the first time!

DANNY

We'll improvise.

JOHNNY

How?

DANNY

Jazz.

JOHNNY

That's music! We know transposing notes, variation, modulation, riffing on a theme, but like I said, that's music! That's nothing like stealing from a hospitality institution! I mean, that's like, three major felonies.

Johnny takes yet another drink of coffee.

DANNY

Three majors, a major third, what's the difference?

Johnny spews his coffee everywhere.

JOHNNY

A lot! Do you even have a plan?

DANNY

It's airtight.

CUT TO:

INT. CLUB - NIGHT

A man laying down a nasty bass groove in a smoky club, really feeling the music.

DANNY (V.O.)

First, we get our old friend and jazz bass virtuoso Stanley Clarke. Has some of the most interesting yet soulful grooves of any bass player out there. A real student of the form.

Danny walks on stage, whispers in Stanley's ear. Stanley's eyes, which had been closed, pop open in terror as he listens to Danny.

DANNY (V.O.)

He's our getaway driver.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - DAY

Stanley is behind the wheel of a moving car. He still has his bass on. He frantically tries to drive but just plays bass instead. The car careens off the road and into a ditch.

Long bass note.

DANNY (V.O.)

Next we have Steve Lukather, ace session guitarist.

CUT TO:

INT. STUDIO - DAY

Steve tracks guitar in the studio, big headphones over his ears.

DANNY (V.O.)

He's played on half the hits of the last 40 years.

Danny pulls up one side of Steve's headphones and whispers in his ear. Steve's eyes pop, and he whips his head around.

DANNY (V.O.)

He's our safe cracker.

CUT TO:

INT. SAFE ROOM - DAY

Steve's turn transitions to him in front of a safe. He stares at it for a moment, then half-heartedly spins the dial. He looks around for help.

JOHNNY (V.O.)

I'm about to have a heart attack.

We see a shot of each thing as Johnny lists them.

JOHNNY (V.O.)

The Bellagio is swarming with security guards, has cameras everywhere, fingerprint scanner checkpoints, silent alarms, you name it. How are you even going to get in?

DANNY (V.O.)

That's where drumming legend Bernard Purdie comes in.

CUT TO:

EXT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Bernard Purdie drumming intensely.

DANNY (V.O.)

This guy is so influential he's got a shuffle named after him. His triplets are second to none. He's our distraction.

CUT TO:

INT. CASINO - NIGHT

Bernard in the middle of the casino floor, scared, the center of security guards attention. He slowly slips behind a slot machine.

JOHNNY (V.O.)

And what happens when something inevitably goes wrong?

DANNY (V.O.)

Not a problem, because we have master saxophonist Wayne Shorter as our lookout.

CUT TO:

INT. CLUB - NIGHT

Wayne blasting a sweaty sax solo, eyes squished shut. Danny whispers in his ear and his eyes bug out, blasting more sax.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BELLAGIO - DAY

Wayne, in the exact same position, in front of the Bellagio, clearly terrified. A crush of cops rush past him into the hotel. As he watches his sax blowing and eyes get bigger until he finally throws his sax and runs the opposite way.

BACK TO:

INT. DINER - DAY

JOHNNY

Time's up, I'm out of coffee.

He turns his coffee cup upside down.

DANNY

Almost there. Finally, we have Rita Jackson, a tambourine player I met at Richmond fifth baptist.

Johnny spits coffee everywhere.

JOHNNY

That was so surprising I spontaneously generated coffee just to spit it! Since when do you go to church?

DANNY

I figured with a big endeavour like this I better get right with God before hand.

JOHNNY

And what job does Rita Jackson have?

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Rita Jackson, an elderly woman, sitting in a pew. Danny leans over, whispers in her ear. She is utterly scandalized, and whacks him with her tambourine.

BACK TO:

INT. DINER - DAY

DANNY

Rita's out.

JOHNNY

That doesn't seem like a good sign, spiritually.

DANNY

Nothing's perfect.

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Rita Jackson is totally kicking the crap out of Danny with her tambourine.

BACK TO:

INT. DINER - DAY

DANNY

With your five octave range, and a group of killers like us, all you need to do is walk out with the money.

JOHNNY

We're studio killers, not actual killers.

DANNY

I don't discriminate like that.

JOHNNY

And where are you in all of this?

DANNY

I'm the manager, so I just take 10% off the top.

JOHNNY

Unbelievable.

DANNY

So, what do you say?

JOHNNY

Alright, I'm in.

Danny spits coffee everywhere.