Frog Dream

I would like to take this opportunity to transcribe a whacked out dream I had early this morning about frogs. It was very vivid and painful, as well as bizarre, and in my mind, amusing.

But enough foreplay, let’s get dreaming!

I was walking through a forested path in autumn, the leaves still on the trees for the most part, and wearing bright reds and golds. There was also a carpet of yellow leaves on the ground. I was walking with a girl who was my sister in the dream, but totally fictional otherwise (Sorry Laura, maybe next time my subconscious will give you the job).

I was walking brusquely, to where I don’t know, and the path became crowded with large frogs of green and brown hues. They were almost a foot long each, and sat perfectly still in various positions on the path, but always in profile. However, what was really unique about them was that each had seven legs; two in the front and an extra five in the back making a sort of star shape, the fifth leg sprouting unceremoniously from the frog’s asses.

The frogs were large and plentiful and kind of disturbing, so I hurried through them when all of a sudden I felt a clenching pain in my ass crack: one of the frogs had leapt up into my butt and was now pinching me with what I could only imagine were spiked webbed feet (Since this was my dream, whatever I imagined must have been true). I started to run, bowlegged, and pried desperately at the frog keeping my ass hostage. Yet the frog held tight, and I couldn’t pry him loose.

My dream sister had disappeared by this point.

Finally, after much more struggling, I managed to dislodge the frog from my ass, but now it was stuck to my hand, so my attempts to fling it away were useless. After a minute or so of more running and hand shaking, I grabbed the frogs legs, of which there was now a normal amount, probably because I had forgotten about the extra with all the pressing butt pain, and twanged it away like a slingshot, making sure the limbs had no chance to come in contact with my flesh.

After disposing of the offending frog, I realized that my butt still hurt, and that there was still another frog stuck up there. I reached in and pried that one out much the same way I had the first, but when I tried to fling it away in splintered into five or six smaller frogs that shot upward only a few feet from my current position so that I ran smack into their falling, grabbing webbed toes.

I did manage to miss about half the frogs, but around three stuck to me and immediately started pinching. I had ripped off one on my arm and was going for another on my leg when a third on my back quickly migrated back to my ass, and set up shop clenching again.

I was just about to freak out about what this much smaller frog might be able to do up there when I woke up, realizing that there had been an uncomfortably rough piece of cloth stuck up my butt the whole time.