Fucks n' Sucks

SEUSS

It’s true I have a rhyme to hear, but not for children, this  I fear. A poem for adults I’ve made, an audience of kids is forbade. You must sell it nonetheless. I believe in you, you’re the best.

GOOSE

Thank you missus Seuss, you’re too kind, but your work leaves no one behind. You must be joking, that’s fair ball, I’m sure it works for one and all.

SEUSS

Socks.

(Motions to her feet)

Fox.

(Motions to herself with flourish)

Box.

(Motions to her crotch)

Cocks.

(Motions to Goose's crotch)

Fox in socks.

Cocks in box.

Fox in socks and cocks in box on the rocks.

(Mimes juggling testicles)

SEUSS

Chicks in tights cum.

Chicks with lights cum.

Chicks in tights with lights and bites cum.

(Beat)

Hard.

GOOSE

Look ma’am look ma’am, it’s all too much, ma’am. You’re going to make my cheeks erupt, ma’am.

SEUSS

Let’s do tricks with clits and flicks, sir.

Let’s do tricks with box and cocks, sir.

First, I’ll make a quick trick clit lap.

Then I’ll make a quick trick cock slap.

You can make a quick trick chick snack.

You can make a trick cock clit stack.

Socks on chicks

and chicks on cocks

Lips on clits

and dicks that dock

And here’s a new trick mister Goose…

GOOSE

I don’t want a–

SEUSS

Six sluts have thick butts

Six sluts have brick butts

Six slick sluts strip

Six slick sluts whip

Slick sluts whip strips

Slick sluts clip nips

Six slick sluts with thick brick butts whip strips and clip nips with lips on clits that flick some dicks with a slip chick tip trick in the mix

GOOSE

I can’t sell this, missus Seuss, ma'am

These rhymes are much too uncouth, ma'am!

Parents will cry out with shame,

You will tarnish the Seuss name!

SEUSS

Come now, come now, mister Goose, sir.

This is something you can do, sir.

Expand my readers you will do

Focus on the ones who screw

GOOSE

A new market is very risky

Especially with rhymes so frisky

SEUSS

Here’s a sassy thing to say.

Here’s a sassy game to play.

New toys

Two boys

Whose toys?

Lou’s toys

Who’s used Lou’s toys?

Roy’s used Lou’s toys

Who sees Lou’s boys?

You see Lou’s boys

GOOSE

I hear nothing, I feel air, nothing’s going on down there!

(Shifty eyes, hands over crotch. Beat)

SEUSS

Chuck comes

Big cuck Chuck comes

Who cucks Chuck’s boys?

Lou cucks Chuck’s boys

Chuck’s boys suck Roy’s

Roy’s boys fuck toys

Lou chews Roy’s fuck toys

Cuck Chuck tucks fuck boys

See sir, see sir, Mr Goose, sir

These hot rhymes will give a boost, sir

A million fans will be made new, sir

If they like it as much as you, sir

I can see you're very shy, sir

Give a sexy rhyme a try, sir

GOOSE

Soft peas please trees

Bent knees freeze fleas

…It’s harder than it seems

SEUSS

Use a celebrity, you’ll see

How it will make your rhyme sex-y

GOOSE

Don Knots likes pots

Don Knots cooks lots

Don Knots' stew rots…

SEUSS

Don Knots ties knots

Don Knots takes shots

Don Knots ties knots and takes shots when he gets hot

You could try just any fetish

You don’t have to be coquettish

GOOSE

Kat the brat loves scat, and Joe does rainbow–

SEUSS

No!

GOOSE

Thank you for taking care of yourself.

(Beat)

My mind has been changed, I'll say it loud

I'll sell your rhyme to an adult crowd

But what is the title of this piece?

Tell me please, let my wondering cease!

SEUSS

This is a Fox n' Socks redux

Which I think will bring us big bucks

Just one title felt deluxe

We shall call it…