The Bilge Rat
Hygiene is just that thing that happens to other pirates.
You like what you like. Taking a cannonball to the head in your younger days hasn’t helped. Not one to take risks, you enjoy quiet evenings communing with the other vermin down in the lower holds of the ship. You’re a collector. You like things. Not, “nice” things – just things. Some people think of you as a blight on humanity – a carbuncle on the alabaster skin of homo erectus. In the Age of Pirates you’d have spent a lot of time below watching the rats fight for scraps of food. In the 21st Century, you’d be the kind of person who plays online games for four days at a stretch without showering, living solely on Mountain Dew, ramen noodles and Cool Ranch Doritos. What you lack in physical attractiveness you more than make up for in interesting skin conditions. On the job, it’s almost a sure bet you work in a cubicle in a large office where nobody remembers your last name but they all talk about you, a lot.
What’s Yer Inner Pirate?
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