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🕹 Don't Get Pantsed!

A Choose Your Pwn Adventure

Kid in a spotlight being stared at, looking scared, and covering his crotch.
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    You are Manny Alvarez. You like playing baseball, playing bass, and not getting pantsed.

    You grew up in Washington Heights, it’s 2003, and Carlos Santana’s Supernatural album was a major event for your family. Even Shaman was pretty big.

    Last year at camp, Matt Reichmann pantsed you seven times for, as he put it, “standing like a wiener.” It’s only your second year at summer camp, and if you get pantsed again this year, that will be your legacy forever.

    You cannot get pantsed. If you get pantsed again, your life is over.

    Don’t get pantsed.

    You’re twelve.


    You get out of your mom’s beat up station wagon and breath in the heady country air. It smells like cut grass and oxygen. Kids swarm center meadow, the younger ones meeting their camp friends in chaotic bursts of screamed half-sentences, the older ones slouching against the flag pole, having found a perfect equilibrium with each other, seemingly telepathically.

    You just stand there.

    You spot Dylan Cizinski, an alarmingly optimistic kid who didn’t try to pants you last year. You wave and smile, walking over. Dylan juts out his chin.

    “Hey,” he says.

    “Hey,” you reply, matching his chin move.

    You go for the low five, but you only make partial contact, and the sound is disappointing.

    “Wait, let’s try again,” you say.

    “Nahhh, it is what it is.”

    Over the course of a year, Dylan became a fatalist.

    You both just stand there, nodding, hands in pockets, looking out at the crowd of other kids.

    You get shoved from behind.

    “Look who it is!”

    It’s Matt Reichmann, his girlfriend Becky, and a bunch of other older kids.

    “Hi there Stripper Manny. Can’t wait to see your show later. I heard it’s all nude.”

    The older kids are laughing.

    Do you…